Uneasy...

I can't even bring myself to attempt sleep lately. Every time I turn my music player on, I get this feeling that something is watching me, or that I'm not alone. I know it's strange, especially since I know it's not Airy I'm... I don't know. Forget it.

It's just that, I woke her up several times last night. I kept asking her if her foot hit the bar, or if that was her making that noise. Each time she grumbled "no" or "go back to sleep". I'm sure she also gave a few "it was just the wind" answers too.

Either way, all I can do is stare up at the top bunk and freak out. I don't want to fall asleep because I'm not listening to music. So I freak out. I don't want to listen to music because I start getting freaked out... Maybe there is something wrong with me. I mean, maybe I have some disorder that makes me paranoid? I feel fine though, and I don't take drugs or anything.

Maybe it's all just a childish fear resurfacing.....

For the Sake of my Sanity...

Alright, here is the deal. I feel like I'm talking to myself. I mean, it's not like I really started this blog with the intention of someone actually reading it, but I think for my sanity I should assume that someone is reading it. (For some reason that just made no sense to me...)

Now, if someone is actually reading this, I hope it is safe to assume that they know nothing about me other than what I write here. (If that isn't the case, then I'll get pretty freaked out really fast.) So, I guess a few, proper introductions are in order.

My name is Kathryn. I'm nineteen and I live in a small apartment with my best friend Airiel, who I refer to as Airy. I met Airy back in middle school, and it didn't take us very long at all to become friends. After hundreds of sleepovers, and my practically becoming a member of her family anyways, we decided that when we moved out, we would live together.

after our high school graduation I took a year off, and Airy jumped into going to a local university. I'm just going to go to community college. She pays her half of the rent with leftover school funding, and I pay my half of the rent with money from a crappy job... Which as you know I'm currently without.

As for the lovely little apartment we pay rent on... It's a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with a living room and a little kitchen. We have a bunk bed... thing... She gets the top bunk, which is good, because I have a tendency to end up on the floor, so I get the bottom bunk... thing.

And... er... I guess that's it for now...

Nightmare...

It's the same every time. I'm walking down the hallway of a house I don't really remember. It seems familiar, but I can't tell you how or why. Everything is dark and empty, and I'm afraid. Everything looks bigger than it should... I've come to assume that I'm just smaller, or younger in the dream though. I can't really tell, because I'm dreaming in first person when I have a nightmare (unlike my normal, silly dreams I have when I fall asleep drowning my mind with music and dream in the third person).

Anyways, as I'm walking down this hallway, I can hear someone calling my name. It's not the eerie, horror movie/ghost story type of whisper though. It sounds like the voice of an older woman, and she sounds like she's in pain. As I get closer to the door at the end of the hallway, the voice gets louder, until it becomes more of a terrifying scream. I don't know why, but I open the door anyways....

It's a bedroom, and on the large bed is a small woman who looks like she's falling apart. She's literally skin and bones, and when I notice this, she smiles. She smiles at me as her eyes darken, and her skin splits open.

I can feel someone pull me out of the room, but I never see who it is. I'm always too focused on the doorway, catching a last glimpse at the horrible scene. The bed is soaked in blood, and a dark, twisted figure is emerging from the woman's body. A monster then looks back at me with blood red eyes, and I finally start running.

I woke up screaming this morning, and I was greeted by a sleep deprived Airy and some nearly burnt pancakes.... At least she knew better than to try to wake me up.

Make it Stop!

I swear, the walls of this little apartment are closing in on me! If these walls don't suffocate me, I'm sure I will die of sheer boredom! I'm actually kind of serious though. The majority of my morning has been spent spinning around in the computer chair wondering just how long it will be until I get dizzy. I wonder if they can really put "died of boredom" in my obituary. I can almost see it though... "Nineteen-year-old girl found dead by her roommate in their apartment. Her cause of death appears to have been boredom," ok, so that is more of a news report.

Anyways, I would normally be working on this particular day, of course. This is why I really have nothing else better to do.

I was considering writing some stupid entry about myself, but considering the fact that I don't really think anyone will read this, I think I will pass/hold off on that. I already know myself (I think).

I Lost my Job Today.

Well, I lost my job at my local overpriced "fancy" coffee shop or whatever. It wasn't the best job in the world, but it was money. I guess you could say I had a difficult customer with some ridiculous off the wall order. Nothing too different than most of the stupid, off the wall orders we had to deal with there. There was one difference though. I severely lacked sleep.

What is funny thing about all of it? I wasn't fired for flipping out at this customer. No, I tried my best to fill the ridiculous order. I must have tried three times before I got it "right" (I swear this woman was telling me that she ordered something in the stupid drink that she originally didn't), and guess what happened? The drink slipped out of my hands...

I made several mistakes today actually, and in the end my boss decided that I "needed a break"... Gentle words, until followed by "permanently".

So, how did this event lead me to where I am right now? (Which, by the way, is in my pj's while staring at a computer screen at about... eight/eight-thirty at night.) Well, I ran into someone in the trolly station/subway/whatever you want to call it. I think her name was Amy? I knew her once upon a time, way back when I suppose. We weren't exactly friends, but we weren't enemies either. Anyways, I almost didn't recognize her, that is, until she was in my face saying, "Kathryn? Is that you? OMG!"

Apparently she had been trying to get my attention for a while. I was too busy dazing off and staring at some guy on the other platform doing tricks with a yo-yo. Anyways, she told me all about her life (at least the last few years of it), and then made the mistake about asking me to do the same.

Haha. Hahahaha. HAHAHA! "Why don't you blog about it?" That was what she said to me as she made her speedy escape on a trolly that was not the one I was waiting for. I'm still trying to figure out just why I took this advice. I guess people from my past that I randomly walk into, as well as my roommate, can only hear me complain so much....

I would like to think I don't complain that much, but... It's not like anyone has to read this. Amy (I really do want to say that is her name) and my roommate Airy, had less of a choice. At least here, you can either read my words, or you can move along and listen to someone else complain (or whatever it is I'm doing here).

And with that, I think we have a deal.